GRIEF, "YOU WILL SURVIVE" - The Passion Of Love and The Pain Of Loss (Part Two)

Grief is the overwhelming feeling of sadness and sorrow you experience when you lose someone or something that you have an affection or a bond with. Grief is a multidimensional but natural response to loss. IT IS VERY NORMAL TO GRIEVE.
People grieve every day for different reasons; terminal sickness, death, divorce or break up etc.

Losing someone or something you love or care deeply about could be very painful. You may experience all kinds of difficult emotions and it may feel like the pain and sadness you're experiencing will never let up. Many of those who give up on life and turn their back to the rest of the world are people stricken by grief. To them, the struggle for survival may seem worthless and unnecessary; life isn't worth living anymore. 

   

Myths and facts about grief

• MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
• Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
• MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.
• Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
• MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
• Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
• MYTH: Grief should last about a year.
• Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.  source: center for Grief and Healing

Stages of Grief
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but it has been generalized to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.

Denial is usually the first stage of grief, I can recall how I chorused "It's not true", It's not true". "This can't be happening to me". "I can't believe this" was common in my lips. These are all statements of denial. But I am at the final stage now and I thank God for the strength.

How I survived

Experience they say is the best teacher, now having survived grief I wish to share my personal experiences and the secrets behind my quick recovery from grief.

Get closer to friends and family

You need people, I need people, we all need people to survive. There is nothing as helpful as having people who really love and care about you during your grieving period. Starting from that moment when the news broke, till about six months later I had a set of wonderful friends and colleagues; young men and women who did everything for me. They took care of my home, cared for my sons, cleaned the house, cooked my meals, did my laundry, fed my dogs, and kept me company. They supported me to any level, I was protected like a treasure, pampered like a baby, served like a king. In fact, I got the best treat you can think of. Their sacrifices drove me to tears most times and I will never ever forget their labor.  Their support, love and care made me stronger. I felt loved, in fact they gave me reasons to fight.

Hold on to your God

Difficult moments will not last forever, things will get better soon. Have faith in your God and comfort yourself with your faith. For me, I know that my God is so faithful that He can never fail; very sure of that. My Thought was, since God cannot fail, and he is with me always, then everything will be well sooner than later. It is not what comes against the boat that matters, but who is in the boat. The boat that has God in it will NEVER sink. Resolve to hold unto God and go through every situation with him.

Remember, the worst could have happened
Most times we concentrate on what happened to us without giving a thought to what could have happened. You may have lost something or someone very special but you could have also lost everything yourself inclusive. Therefore, if you think you have lost anything at all, do not forget that God is the only reason why you did not lose everything.

Express your feelings 
It is not a sign of weakness to cry or express your feelings in which ever way you want. Do not bury your feelings, don't hold them back, don't suppress them otherwise they might come back to hunt you. Find a way to let them out, you can talk about it with a friend, write it down as a memoir, a poem or song. Cry when you feel like, talk when you need to, sing if you feel like singing, being in touch with your emotions can help alleviate grief.

Everything happens for a reason
No matter how we try to deny it, fact remains that everything whether good or bad happens for a reason. You may not understand that quickly but with time everything becomes clearer. If God could reveal the reason for your pain and grief, you will find reasons to be grateful. Most times our experiences give birth to our visions and pain has a way of making us better when we go through it gracefully.

A time to die
This is so had, but I believe that Bible is the infallible word of God, here's what it says:
"There is time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die." Eccl 3:1-2. 
I believe that nothing happens without God's knowledge and permission; even the death of my lovely wife. So if God allowed it, then it is the right time no matter what the reasons are. If it is not your time yet, you have no business with death. This is very difficult to accept especially when the cause of death is obvious. But if you can accept it, then you can walk through grief victoriously. Nothing more, nothing less.

The saying that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is so true. even if life wants to put you down, you will stay up if you decide to. Don't let grief end your life, you were given that life because you are strong enough to live it. I looked at the brighter side of life and I survived the most painful loss you can ever imagine. Because I survived, you will also survive!