The Passion of love and The Pain of Loss - Part One

It was the longest night of my life. The doctor looked at me with mute hopeless appeal, his facial expression was that of total despair though he managed to pretend as if everything was okay. Within a second, I was gripped by this sense of disgust, sorrow and revulsion and I gave him a curious but futile stare. I could feel the scorch of fear on my skin travelling through my spine, down to the bone marrow even though he is yet to utter a word. I nearly lost my balance; I had to lean on the wall to regain myself. I feared the worst. It was about 1:30am in the early hours of Friday March 27th, 2015, I could feel the movement of light disappearing from my eyes. The night became darker than usual. My heart skipped as if it's about jumping out of its cage. All these happened in less than 5 seconds.

I knew there was nothing okay about the situation, but I managed to ask, "I hope she is alright?"
"Yes he affirmed. But we are having a little problem and we are working hard to arrest the situation." "What Problem?" I asked curiously. "A complication known as Uterine atony. We are through with everything, the baby is very fine, but I did not understand why she suddenly started pumping blood(sic). We need to do blood transfusion and three options are available to you: you can donate a pint or two if you are a march, another option is to get a trusted donor or buy from the blood bank".

The Moment I Regretted Having Blood Group B+ 

Momentarily, I felt this uneasy yoke of helplessness. O my world! I have blood running in my veins but I can't save my beloved wife. The pain was of an extraordinary dimension. What a helpless man I was! I wished I could change my blood group to O+, but wishes were not horses. At that point I yearned and craved for a miracle, but there was no time for religious fantasy and I never had the patience to even wait for it. Loathing over the situation can only make the matter worse, so I acted with the same level of urgency as the situation demands. My late wife's younger brother was more than willing but he was many kilometers away from the hospital so I opted to get him, at least to save myself from the unnecessary protocols and delays of the so called blood bank.

I Failed To Realize That "Speed Kills" 

"Are you sure you can drive yourself? Do we need to get someone else to drive you?" The doctor asked. "Don't worry I can handle it" was my swift response and I sped off. It was a day before the 2015 presidential elections so countless military check points slowed down my movement. However, driven by the Passion of love and also the fear of loosing my special one, I drove at an average speed of 120km/hr and covered an unimaginable distance within 20minutes. My determination to save her made me to forget that speed kills. I drove that car like a lunatic. We arrived with great hope, at least our problem is half solved. But the hope was thwarted when I went in to see Christiancia and the baby. It was handsome and lovely boy. Thank God for Jason. And his mum? ...Eeh! Your guess is as good as mine. She was gone and all attempt made to revive her proved futile. She has gone home without saying goodbye. Even as I write this post it still sounds very much unbelievable. Unthinkable! "It is not true" I said. I held her so tight for some minutes, placed my head on her breast, shouted her name, but she couldn't respond. I sought for that one last kiss, but couldn't get any. Folks, that was the last time I felt the soothing warmth of the woman I loved so much.

Face To Face With Reality

My reactions afterwards I can't really describe; but it was a combination of many things; prayer, faith, tears, disbelief, surprise, shock and so on. I thought it was a joke, or better still a dream, BUT THAT'S A REALITY. Christiancia Chidinma Ebere has gone to be with the LORD when I never expected it. THE PASSION OF LOVE MAKES THE PAIN OF LOSS A MOST HORRIBLE ONE! But I had to do the needful and face the reality after about 3 hours of unfathomable reactions. Life brought me face to face with my greatest fear: the fear of the unknown and the fear of loss of Love. Just like Job said; "what I feared terribly has befallen me". The worst has happened. Nothing could be more disheartening, more confusing, discouraging, terrifying and painful like her death: Sunset in the middle of the day. What more is there to be afraid of? I no longer fear anything after what I have been through. I witnessed and scaled through the toughest challenge of my life. I never allowed the situation to bring me down rather, it made me more determined and prepared to face life. The promise I made to myself was to come out of the challenge a stronger and better person. You know what? God helped me to fulfill that promise. Her death was the toughest challenge of my life and has become the greatest inspiration of my life.

Once Upon A happy Marriage

Success is not measured by time, but by fulfillment and positive growth. Having a happy and successful family is important to me. I desired a deep loving relationship with my spouse. And in less than 3 years I was married to Christiancia; I got what I desired. Can you get a better lover than Christiancia? Only a few women can make the "sacrifices of Chidinma;" she was a great lover who loved with her whole being. I may not describe what we had as the "perfect marriage" but it was a very happy and successful one. There was no better feeling than to have a very beautiful, God fearing, courageous, hardworking, intelligent, sweet and loving wife.

It's Her Birthday

My beautiful wife would have turned 28 years old today, 23rd November 2015, and we would have being 3 years in marriage next month but she died on March 27th, 2015. I feel sad that she wasn't able to use the surprise gift I gave her on her 2014 birthday. In her typical style, she kept it for the perfect time; a perfect time that never came. Such is life.  I am writing this story as a proof that we all can survive the deepest and strongest of all pains. You can win victory over grief if you are determined to do so.

Part Two of this write-up will feature the topic: GRIEF, "YOU WILL SURVIVE."

 This blog is launched today in honour of the woman who shared part of my life and gave me all of hers. The woman whose death made me more courageous and helped me to conquer my fears. She lives on in my heart. There is no better day to do this than today. May her beautiful soul continue to rest in the Lord.